my drunk mother

Heroin is dope! says:
so last night
I got home drunk
my mom was drunk
and
while I was sitting at my computer
my mother suddenly walks out of her bedroom and into the bathroom across the way from my bedroom
she has a master bathroom, so this is a rare occurence if she hasn't got a cold and doesn't need some medicine from my cabinet
so she walks into my bathroom and I hear her rip off some toilet paper, get the water running and she begins opens and closes the door
as though she were trying to fan out the bathroom
this is some pretty odd behavior so I ask her
MOM
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
and she says
"Filing medical reports!"
now I'm sitting here at the desk thinking to myself
what the fuck
so I ask her
"Mom, why are you filing medical reports in my bathroom?"
and she says to me
"It's my job, I file medical reports, it's what I do"
so I figure she's gone insane and leave it alone to go get myself a sandwich
when I walk back, she's standing outside of my bathroom with a cat in one hand, a gerbil in the other and the restroom is in blazes
she's screaming something about medical reports but hey, I figure somethings got to be done about this situation!
Crying Three-Legged Turtle says:
does blazes mean fire?
Heroin is dope! says:
I leap over my banister downstairs, grab my fire extinguisher and run back up to douse the flames
YES
Crying Three-Legged Turtle says:
oh
oh my
Heroin is dope! says:
after I'm done, she heads back to her room and I sit with our new pets and enjoy my sandwich
twenty minutes later, my mother leaves her bedroom and tells me that she had the strangest dream about doing a medical report in our bathroom
the end
JIGP says:
holy
fucking
shit                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               

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So uh

My mother found out last night that I was not where I said I was! But she didn't find out I where I was so it's almost going to be ok. Anyway I might be gone for a while. I'll be back off when gets home from the grocery store.